All in the mind?

I've wanted to write a personal blog for many years and I've always bailed out when I realized that there is so much to be said that anything I do say will feel out of context without the full story.  But I think I need to do this as personal therapy, so here goes...

Photo by Femke Photography

Tonight, my wife is editing some photos for a wedding she photographed recently, and she made a comment about a decision the couple had made, and how it had made her job as a photographer more difficult, especially not knowing of the decision in advance. It got me thinking about our wedding and how disappointed I was that I couldn't really enjoy it. Bro-Tip: for all you husbands out there, be careful how you broach the subject about being disappointed in your wedding.

I'll back up a little, for some context, at this point. I'd had cortisone shots in both ankles a few days before the wedding.  I'd known I'd be standing a lot during the wedding, and walking a lot on our honeymoon and I didn't want to have to limit my standing or walking too much during this time.  Hence the cortisone shots. And yet, I found myself budgeting the time on my feet.  I sat outside the church while waiting for the bride. I walked in at the appointed time and sat down at my first opportunity.  We had decided to sit together during the sermon, so this wasn't a surprise.  Each time I had to get up for a part of the ceremony, I thought about the most economical way to get seated again. So, when the minister rushed us through the rose ceremony where we give flowers to each other's mother, I didn't fight it - I rushed through it and sat down. Even though I was nowhere near my pain threshold yet. My head was not at the wedding at all.

July 31, 2012

I'm now nine days into the convalescence period of the triple fusion surgery on my right foot. "Triple arthrodesis" for the nerds out there. I've had a lot of time to ponder what life might be like after both feet are surgically fixed and completely healed. The estimate is that within ten months of surgery, I will be completely pain free in my feet. I have no real concept of what that will be like.  I haven't been pain free for more than three decades. Am I mentally prepared for that amount of freedom? Will my mind refuse to believe it and insist on remaining crippled?

Well, that's all for tonight. Let's see if I can bring myself to continue the blog...